+FUCK Money

I didn't do much of anything with my day today. But it's ok, because I've been really starting to get used to the days where there's nothing for me to do and no where for me to go.

I just wish sometimes I had some money. Or at least some kind of income.

These past few days, I've been thinking a lot.....about what would happen to me when I get back on campus: As far as expenses go. You need money to do just about everything. And it's not gonna be like middle school, or even high school, where you can just hang out without any worries....cause you're just as broke as all your friends are. It's different.

Right now, I'm at a point where I honestly feel stuck. Because I need MONEY. I haven't thought about money this much in.....My whole entire life. Idk why. I don't like having to feel this way...

I'm in this bond with my parents right now, as to whether or not they will loan me at least $60 to add to the money that I already have, so then I can go and do some school shopping for myself.

I highly doubt that at this point I will get it. And if I do, that will be very surprising to me.

I wake up on a daily basis, and hear the, "we just don't have any money right now" song....Everyday.

That shit is depressing.

At first, it wasn't all that serious. But...That's how everything starts out. I'm at a point in my life where I'm starting to realize that I have no one, but myself. I can't keep depending on my parents to pay for my shit, unless it's mad urgent. Other than that, they really won't bother to give me any money.

I just can't get used to this......

I want to much. And I really don't think that's an issue. I mean, if that's the way that I am, then I must have gotten that from someone. So I don't blame myself. I just need to find a way to maintain my habit.....and right now I don't have one. That's why I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, money right now......Because it's the basis to me having any type of fun. Shit....It's the basis to me having any type of life.

When I wanna go to the mall.

When I wanna go to the gas station to pick up some candy.

When I wanna chill out with my friends at a fast food joint.

Just for me to be able to drive to be even able myself to do any of these things.

Money.

How the fuck am I gonna get any money right now....? Is the question I've been asking myself right now for the past few weeks. And it's funny....because I never really cared about money. In fact, it never slipped my mind. But I guess it's so much more easier to not care about something, when you don't have to worry about it.

I would look for a job, but I leave my neighborhood for school in just a few days. I plan on looking when I get out....But it'll be a whole different ball game. Cause I won't know anything or anybody.

And....I have no car.

So how the fuck am I even gonna get there....?

Fml....

Fml. Fml. Fml. FML.

FUCK.

MY.

FUCKING.

LIFE.

I'm slowy starting to become corrupted. And there's nothing that I can even do about it.

Know why...??

Cause when you ain't got no money: You don't have a choice but to deal with what you've been dealt.

You just suck it up.

That's the fuck why.