Ok Much....?

So I've been home for my break now for some time now. I actually ran into some good luck tonight. I reunited with my old boss, who told me to giver her a call, and it turns out: She's going to become a manager of another company and she is once again offering me another job. So thankfully, I am no longer looking for work. I just have to wait a while for her to get into the business, and I am indeed covered.

So that is some great news, and I'm really happy for that.

On another note, I've been kinda lonely. I got out like 2 good times since I've been home. The first was a trip to the Columbia Mall with a friend in which I drove. It was a little crazy, but, it was what it was. The second was last night, staying out all night with a close friend and his close friend, along with his friend's female friend. Watched some movies, ate some pizza, cracked a couple jokes. It was actually refreshing.

So I come back home, and I expected for my mother to have had something to say to me after calling me up in the middle of me eating out and upset because I wasn't at home at a certain time......But we actually never ended up talking about it.

I have to admit.....it was kinda weird.

I'm so used to having that happen to me from my mother and assuming from experience, that I'm gonna come home to this crazy ass reaction and I'm gonna have to explain myself and shit......But this time, I really didn't have to.

And it's OK, because I'm thankful for that to.

As my night progressed, I came to the point at which I'm at now where I'm sitting here on my laptop and drinking hot tea while listening to some new music. Everything's all good. And then:

I get a text message from my college fling that I had relations with and that I can't seem to shake off for the life of me.

Yes.......No.

Sometimes, I'll be glad to engage into a conversation with him, no problem. And other times, it just gets a little weird, only because of the weird past that we shared. But I mean, that wasn't my fault. And I can be pretty awkward, but I just hate living in a weird and uncomfortable friendship with someone.......Just break the damn ice already.

He texted me......said hey, and asked me what I was doing. I said my hello, and told him what I was doing and asked him the same question right back. Then, he texted me back asking me if I wanted to take pictures and send them back and fourth.......So sexting. (For all you virgin minds.)

I said no. I said I wasn't in the mood, and that I was busy.........And I thought that the conversation was going so well before I said no, and then all of a sudden: No more text messages.

I mean, I did expect it, because I mean he's really not anything important in my life so what other way is he supposed to act you know? Figures. But still.......It just means something. Something that I can't just ignore....Because it urks me a little bit that you would lift a finger and waste your time.....just to text a female for something as petty as a couple of pictures. And then, when you get told that it's a no go......you get upset and give up.....? I mean, you don't have to talk about your life or anything crazy like that....But it's like obvious shit you know. Like the rules to the pussy.....

1. You have to respect it. Don't disrespect the girl that's fucking you, even if you feel like she deserves it.

2. I mean talk to her. When you see her in a room full of people, just walk up to her and greet her. It's nothing.....but it's something. Because once you start fucking someone, you can't just walk around like they don't exist. Even if that's all you guys do.

3. And lastly....become close with her. Care about when she's busy......what she did in the day....what she's doing when you hit her up. It might just be a piece of ass now....but you never know when that "piece of ass" might just be the girl that saves your life one day. They usually are the girls who are always there anyway. They deserve the best.....Stop making yourself so obvious when you want something......It's unattractive.

It's like.....I can't stand it. But I'm tired of talking. If he can't see it, then he's not trying to. He's not fucking dumb......Dude, you're in college. You know damn well how I feel about everything. So done with explaining myself. And certainly done with trying to make friends out of guys that just what one thing.

It's like the saying, you can't turn a whore into a housewife.....

Because you can't. Because even if she acts straight for a moment, she will flip as soon as she sees that she's gotten exactly what she wanted from acting the way you expected her to.....And that's not genuine. It has to come from within. From a place that no one can talk the way to......That shit just has to come out.

So I'm done.

You wanna be a fucked up ass jerk. Then be one. You might think you got it good now.....But I personally think that the guys that have it the best are the ones that have the girls that wanna make them better themselves. So I think the worst, is that if he refuses to change, well he can live that way for the rest of his life. Not my business, not my problem.

Life catches up with everybody eventually.

Wooh.....

Wtf am I gonna do when I get up tomorrow...?? If I even get up after this long ass night.

Lol.

Steve Forest Vs. The Ones - Flawless

Miguel - Girls Like You

+Fuck

Sometimes when I sit down alone.....especially in the night time, I think a lot about the things that I feel that I need. The things that I feel like I want.

I think that having some of the most diverse people in your life, really helps to change the way that you see things to be.....It's a beautiful thing to accept change for what it is. Sometimes you need people to open up those doors for you.....because even when you're right in front of them, it's like you still can't really see where the knob is.

I really like to fuck.

No....

I love to fuck.

I remember the first time I ever met my now, ex-boyfriend.

I never knew at that moment in time that I was ever really going to be in a relationship with him. I used to tell him how I felt that we were already together, but I never envisioned everything in between. I remember the first day he came to me....it wasn't the coldest night but the weather was pretty fair. He walked out.....I walked beside him, and I put my arm right in his. It was really guarded.....I could tell that he was really confused. But we walked to my back door. Sneaking in the house at that.

I led him up to my bedroom.....and I remember that we just sat there and.....talked. I was laying down...Hoping that eventually something more would come from his visit. Although, nothing happened and after a while he left.....And I was left alone, and a little unsatisfied.

That was the first time that I had ever been around a male that I wanted to fuck......but couldn't do anything about it.

I learned so much from knowing him from that moment on. I would be lieing to myself if I ever said that meeting him was pointless.

I know myself.....But do I really....really.....know myself....?

I'm not crazy, I know that for sure. And I'm not desperate.....

I just want to touch something that can touch me back, the way that I want to be touched, when I want to be touched, where ever it is that I want to be touched at....

I don't think that's to much to ask for.

Society.....gives females this.....image. Of disdain.....Like the female has to abide by all these natural life rules and regulations. Why do I have to be called a whore, a slut, a bimbo, a dumb bitch......Just because I went for what I wanted and I got it....?

I wanted it. So....can I have it?

Isn't that what males do...

"Please, please, please......I want you......I've wanted you for a minute now.....Just let me have it......Just a kiss.....Just a lick.....Where's your room.....Take me there so I can take you away.....Fuck me."

Yes.

So why can't that be me......Why can't that be any other female.

I know what I want.....I want a male who I can mold into anything that I want, when I want it. I wanna be able to fuck you a thousand times a night, and have the luxury of pleasing you and talking to you. I want you to wake up the next morning and fuck me again, and again, and again. And then I want you to get out of my face. Then come back.......and I'll fuck you till I'm satisfied. Then get out of my face. And when you're out of my face, you always keep your lips sealed. Nobody knows anything.....and nobody has to know. I want a guy who I can fuck when I feel like.....Like as soon as I want to and I turn the corner he's standing right there, saying come baby.......come over here so I can be your bitch for as long as you want me to.......then I'll disappear to reappear again......Just for you.

Just for me.

And you know.....There's nothing that makes me feel that in my honest and real life, I couldn't find a guy that would be willing to do that. Hell.....they're all over my campus.

But......In my honest and real life....even though that's want I want, that is not what I want.

I don't always want to be in love to fuck. That's not the point. But....I wanna care about you.....I want you to really care about me. I used to be fine with the one night stands.....the sneaking......the fucking.....the lust. But.....that's all it is.

Is lust...

So now it's like, I'm not really looking for love, but I don't just want lust. Then.....what is it.

Maybe it's territorial.

When I say I want a male that's just for me.....I mean it in its entirety. Just For Me.

It's like when you purchase a dildo and when you're finished with it, you stick it under your pillow for the next time so you don't lose it. So it's always there for when you wanna get a couple nuts off. What if a guy was like that....You had a guy that you could fuck and then tuck away for the next time, and no one could ever touch him but you. No one could ever fuck him but you......No one could ever use him but....you.

Yeah......I would love that too.

Mine.

Mine.

Mine.

But nobody is just mine....Nobody. Even if they are. If they wanna fuck someone else, they can.....They will.

They're not brainless.

But I'm not either.

As I write this, I want very much so to fuck. Who knows, maybe that was my deep inspiration to this blog. But......I know better these days.

I'm always gonna want that Ken doll in my big playhouse that I can move around every time I feel like it....

I just have to be a smart Barbie about it and share that part of me with the right Ken instead of all the other duplicates.

There are always so many of them, and there always will be. You have to work to find the one worth fucking that deserves it......But that's the way that it's supposed to be.

Maybe that's why we just fuck when we want to......because looking for the right one take to long.

If I'm a Barbie and you're a Ken, then we're technically allowed to fuck if that's what makes us happy, right.....?

Because that's all I can see......I want dick....And I don't see a certain type of male, or color or age or whatever....I just see a Ken. A doll that looks like every other one of it's kind.....There and ready for me to be Barbie in our pretend playhouse.

Like people, Like dolls, Like animals......

Fuck to create.....to fuck.

Isn't that why they created us in the first place....

-10 Random Sam Spits The Truth Facts Moment!-

1. College is starting to make me really sick. Literally.

2. Everyone tells me I have some really soft hands.

3. I want my hair to grow as long as I can possibly get it before I say goodbye to my braids forever. That may probably never happen cause I just love them way too much.

4. I'm currently still looking for a job -__-

5. I'm trying to get back into the swing of using my Twitter account. I really don't know if I'm gonna like it all that much still cause how much could have possibly changed from the way I felt last time.....But we'll just have to see.

6. There are a ton of gay people where I attend school at. They kinda just blend in for real.

7. Why am I always so hungry?

8. I'm not as excited for Christmas as I once was......I think it's age, and money. All I can really worry about these days is school, despite the fact that we're going on break -__-

9. My parents all of a sudden don't like each other anymore. Great -__-

10. I hope none of my cats die before I graduate college, cause I'll flip.

+Some Asian Persuasion

The hair that...

The Wanted - Glad You Came