:/

Well, I'm in the dorm....And now finally, my friend's new roomate has officially moved in.

It's cool though, because she's super nice and she doesn't mind us doing.....Just about everything.

She always get's the best roomates. The first one was the same way. She was really nice...ans she allowed a lot of things to happen too.

Anyways....it's whatever.

I thought that I'd be real upset....Or just really lost and homless for a while. But I actually ended up liking her a lot....We can all be cool I guess. And I mean, isn't that the way that it should be....? Yeh, it is. Which is exactly why I couldn't live in my other room. Because it was the complete oppisite.

Tomorrow is a new day of classes....and I'm actually ready for it, considering the fact that my weekend was less than interesting and I actually ended up doing all my homework. Or at least everything that I knew that I was supposed to do. I'm happy about that.

I'm really just ready for this semester to come to its end....

So I can get out of this mess....

Awkward...

I am not really sure as to what it really is that I'm looking for....

Relationship wise, I think I'm through with that. Coming back to school, I've come to the the decision that education is ultimately the stronger reason for why I'm even here...So I care about that more than Anything.

And then there's the social portion that comes with that of course.

I spoke to some of my college friends today about males, fucking and what is the norm verses what is just out of pocket.

It was actually a pretty interesting conversation.

I learned that there's all types of different kinds of women....Not that I didn't know this fact before, but just that having the conversation with them kinda made me feel like I was really open.....Especially to some seriously dangerous situations.

My friends: Both lost their virginity's to their boyfriends. They both have only splet with one partner. They both think that flirting is the farthest that you should ever go with a guy you don't know. They're both very serious about their relationships and who they fuck......And they don't really care about sex, because none of them are really having it.

I: Did not lose my virginity to a dude I was in a relationship with. I've had quite a few sexual partners. I've gone above and beyond with some people that I claim I would probably never speak to in public or if I didn't want sex. I can fuck people I find an attraction to without emotion, especially if it's not happening frequently. I'm getting more and more closer to the sex addict stage I believe....I can honestly say that at this point in time....I truly need it, every time I want it.

Does this make me a horrible, careless, mindless person....?

Fuck no.

I just think different then a lot of females....Or at least the ones that I am surrounded by as my friends....Because those are really all the ones that I can speak for.

I know there's so many things that are wrong with fornication....I get that.

Mostly emotional...

And my friend actually brought up a really good point....Which I mean this point, I already knew, but it was just the way she said it. The way SHE said it...Yeah.

"You say you enjoy em' cause you don't know em'....But you can't have that much joy if you never know what you're getting yourself into."

And she's fucking right.

He's fucking me....He's kissing me....He's rubbing me....He's just on me....

But he doesn't know the brain behind my head.....He doesn't know that I'm a writer.....He doesn't know my major....He doesn't know my number one dream....He doesn't know my emotion.....He doesn't know what makes me upset or happy....He may not even know my name....

And this is all the same from my side as well....

But that doesn't make it right. And I know that it's really not right....But sometimes, that's the last thing you have to think about...

These are people that I don't plan on speaking to again....But despite the fact that I don't plan on speaking to them ever again, that doesn't mean that it's still not awkward when I have to face them in public...Even if they're not worried about me....It's the principle that I fucked you....and even though I don't want to see your face, you're in my face whether I like it or not.

Like, the devil's holding a cloud of guilt above my head...

That's exactly how that shit feels to me. Like I sinned and now the devil will not let me be.

So maybe I can't be as reckless as I thought I could be....and maybe I'm just not.

I need to realize that....I know I do. Because I don't want to fuck anymore people in college for fun.....Maybe sometimes.....I'm only human. But, I don't want to exploit that....and tell myself that it's ok when I know that shit....

Hurts.

It hurts.....

Samantha.....What the fuck are you doing....?

I don't know.....I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for letting myself down.....for letting myself go.....for letting myself believe that I could handle it...

Because when I'm done with him, all he turns into is another one of them clouds, hanging on top of my head. It's very seldom that a girl will hit it of with a guy after a fuck....especially if you never spoke to this individual before that very moment.

The fucking part is fine with me.....I wanted that.

But that aftermath section.....When you actually have to think about it....and then see them walking around....?

Like do I say hi, or do I just act like I don't see him and keep on walking....?

I really don't know anymore...

I don't.

-Bimbo Bitch Of A Best Friend Blues

Alright. Right now it is 6:54 AM in the morning....The morning that I have to go back to school and I'm sleeping in the guest room all by myself....I had to type this is my note pad and copy it to my blog later, because our Internet is down at the moment....And I wasn't going to write anything tonight...but I guess when you really have a passion for something, it exceeds all. My friend is in my room, and tonight earlier we had attended a party with my parents for one of my aunt's birthday parties. It started of rather boring....But it gradually got more fun.

I'm just glad I didn't go by myself.

But, while we were at the party, a previous sex partner that I had, that both I and my friend knew, texted me asking about seeing me tonight.

It's the last day I get to myself before I have to go back to school for the second semester....It would have been a good night for this to actually take place. Except for one thing....My best friend is at my place and there's no way I'm gonna have her, as promiscuous as she is, and him, in the same vicinity of each other while I'm still present.

I told her this....

And she says: "Well....after he's done with you, then he can just come on to my room and do stuff with me. It won't be like a threesome, and we'll be separate."

I thought wow.....

This bitch really just begged me for my sloppy seconds, right in my face.

This is such a pity.....Shame on you. What the fuck is wrong with this bitch...? You got me fucked up. How dare she even think that something like that would ever in a million years be alright...??

It's like the saying bros over hoes......

Well there's also one called chicks over dicks.

It was a party...I wasn't looking to start an altercation over something as petty as a piece of meat, cause really, that's all it really is. But deep, deep inside of myself.....I knew that this person couldn't possibly harbor that much respect for herself...Let alone me, as her best friend.

I'm not in a relationship with the dude....I don't really care for him what so ever. But that's not the point. The point is: Best friends, DON'T sleep with the same men. It's a golden rule. It's dirty and it's over all disrespectful. I mean if she could do that one time then she could do it 20 times if given the opportunity....And that would explain why she's never had a steady man by her side....Because she always has her eyes on another one.

Idk what she thinks this is....

She, during our senior year in high school, had a really good friend by the name of Nika. Her friend Nika, got pregnant with this guy and made her, my best friend, the god mother to that child. So...after the guy that got Nika pregnant leaves her, she starts messing around with him....But Nika was one of your best friends...Someone that she's known even longer than me, and someone who confided in her and loved her like a sister....And that's how she repaid her back..

Now they have all these problems, and she's always telling me about them. But I mean....You started all of them because you broke the fucking rule, you stupid bimbo bitch.

YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE FUCKED AROUND WITH HER BABY'S DADDY...WHO'S DAUGHTER IS YOUR GOD CHILD.

she kept trying to get me to make it ok for him to come over....Like, what do you not get...? He's off limits bitch. We're not sharing dick. Ever.

Not with you, or the next bitch to come. Nobody.

I mean really....This is self explanatory.

And it's funny because if the tables were turned and I were to have ever done or said something like sleeping with any her past partners, whether they were still active or not, I know damn well she would flat out get upset...She wouldn't appreciate it and there is no way in hell she would ever allow it to happen. She'd flip like no other. But you can say it in my face, and it'll just be ok...? Get the fuck outta here. I can't help but to question what kind of friend she truly is....And any female should question if she has a best friend that would be more than willing to sleep with her past partners. And if any one is ok with that, then ALL of you are confused, sadistic whores that need guidance. Straight up. I don't care. With all that shit going on, how can anyone call anyone a friend? Please.

One thing's for sure: I'm not no Nika. Nika took her back not once, but twice after she caught her messing around with her baby's father. I: won't tolerate any of that bullshit. For what...? To keep a friend?? A friend that would do something like that isn't worth keeping......A friend like that isn't a friend at all. With friends like that, who needs em'? You know I fucked him....And you had the audacity to sit there, in my face, and willingly propose that we both get a slice in the same night.....Like it's nothing....dude....you're supposed to be my best friend....Do you have any idea what the true meaning of a best friend really is...? There's probably a ton of marvelous ways to answer that....But one thing regardless: We do not by any means sleep with the same men.

You want to fuck a guy so badly....that you'd really, honestly fuck him even if your best friend was already using him....?

Really...

How pathetic are you.