Ok Much....?

So I've been home for my break now for some time now. I actually ran into some good luck tonight. I reunited with my old boss, who told me to giver her a call, and it turns out: She's going to become a manager of another company and she is once again offering me another job. So thankfully, I am no longer looking for work. I just have to wait a while for her to get into the business, and I am indeed covered.

So that is some great news, and I'm really happy for that.

On another note, I've been kinda lonely. I got out like 2 good times since I've been home. The first was a trip to the Columbia Mall with a friend in which I drove. It was a little crazy, but, it was what it was. The second was last night, staying out all night with a close friend and his close friend, along with his friend's female friend. Watched some movies, ate some pizza, cracked a couple jokes. It was actually refreshing.

So I come back home, and I expected for my mother to have had something to say to me after calling me up in the middle of me eating out and upset because I wasn't at home at a certain time......But we actually never ended up talking about it.

I have to admit.....it was kinda weird.

I'm so used to having that happen to me from my mother and assuming from experience, that I'm gonna come home to this crazy ass reaction and I'm gonna have to explain myself and shit......But this time, I really didn't have to.

And it's OK, because I'm thankful for that to.

As my night progressed, I came to the point at which I'm at now where I'm sitting here on my laptop and drinking hot tea while listening to some new music. Everything's all good. And then:

I get a text message from my college fling that I had relations with and that I can't seem to shake off for the life of me.

Yes.......No.

Sometimes, I'll be glad to engage into a conversation with him, no problem. And other times, it just gets a little weird, only because of the weird past that we shared. But I mean, that wasn't my fault. And I can be pretty awkward, but I just hate living in a weird and uncomfortable friendship with someone.......Just break the damn ice already.

He texted me......said hey, and asked me what I was doing. I said my hello, and told him what I was doing and asked him the same question right back. Then, he texted me back asking me if I wanted to take pictures and send them back and fourth.......So sexting. (For all you virgin minds.)

I said no. I said I wasn't in the mood, and that I was busy.........And I thought that the conversation was going so well before I said no, and then all of a sudden: No more text messages.

I mean, I did expect it, because I mean he's really not anything important in my life so what other way is he supposed to act you know? Figures. But still.......It just means something. Something that I can't just ignore....Because it urks me a little bit that you would lift a finger and waste your time.....just to text a female for something as petty as a couple of pictures. And then, when you get told that it's a no go......you get upset and give up.....? I mean, you don't have to talk about your life or anything crazy like that....But it's like obvious shit you know. Like the rules to the pussy.....

1. You have to respect it. Don't disrespect the girl that's fucking you, even if you feel like she deserves it.

2. I mean talk to her. When you see her in a room full of people, just walk up to her and greet her. It's nothing.....but it's something. Because once you start fucking someone, you can't just walk around like they don't exist. Even if that's all you guys do.

3. And lastly....become close with her. Care about when she's busy......what she did in the day....what she's doing when you hit her up. It might just be a piece of ass now....but you never know when that "piece of ass" might just be the girl that saves your life one day. They usually are the girls who are always there anyway. They deserve the best.....Stop making yourself so obvious when you want something......It's unattractive.

It's like.....I can't stand it. But I'm tired of talking. If he can't see it, then he's not trying to. He's not fucking dumb......Dude, you're in college. You know damn well how I feel about everything. So done with explaining myself. And certainly done with trying to make friends out of guys that just what one thing.

It's like the saying, you can't turn a whore into a housewife.....

Because you can't. Because even if she acts straight for a moment, she will flip as soon as she sees that she's gotten exactly what she wanted from acting the way you expected her to.....And that's not genuine. It has to come from within. From a place that no one can talk the way to......That shit just has to come out.

So I'm done.

You wanna be a fucked up ass jerk. Then be one. You might think you got it good now.....But I personally think that the guys that have it the best are the ones that have the girls that wanna make them better themselves. So I think the worst, is that if he refuses to change, well he can live that way for the rest of his life. Not my business, not my problem.

Life catches up with everybody eventually.

Wooh.....

Wtf am I gonna do when I get up tomorrow...?? If I even get up after this long ass night.

Lol.

Steve Forest Vs. The Ones - Flawless

Miguel - Girls Like You

+Fuck

Sometimes when I sit down alone.....especially in the night time, I think a lot about the things that I feel that I need. The things that I feel like I want.

I think that having some of the most diverse people in your life, really helps to change the way that you see things to be.....It's a beautiful thing to accept change for what it is. Sometimes you need people to open up those doors for you.....because even when you're right in front of them, it's like you still can't really see where the knob is.

I really like to fuck.

No....

I love to fuck.

I remember the first time I ever met my now, ex-boyfriend.

I never knew at that moment in time that I was ever really going to be in a relationship with him. I used to tell him how I felt that we were already together, but I never envisioned everything in between. I remember the first day he came to me....it wasn't the coldest night but the weather was pretty fair. He walked out.....I walked beside him, and I put my arm right in his. It was really guarded.....I could tell that he was really confused. But we walked to my back door. Sneaking in the house at that.

I led him up to my bedroom.....and I remember that we just sat there and.....talked. I was laying down...Hoping that eventually something more would come from his visit. Although, nothing happened and after a while he left.....And I was left alone, and a little unsatisfied.

That was the first time that I had ever been around a male that I wanted to fuck......but couldn't do anything about it.

I learned so much from knowing him from that moment on. I would be lieing to myself if I ever said that meeting him was pointless.

I know myself.....But do I really....really.....know myself....?

I'm not crazy, I know that for sure. And I'm not desperate.....

I just want to touch something that can touch me back, the way that I want to be touched, when I want to be touched, where ever it is that I want to be touched at....

I don't think that's to much to ask for.

Society.....gives females this.....image. Of disdain.....Like the female has to abide by all these natural life rules and regulations. Why do I have to be called a whore, a slut, a bimbo, a dumb bitch......Just because I went for what I wanted and I got it....?

I wanted it. So....can I have it?

Isn't that what males do...

"Please, please, please......I want you......I've wanted you for a minute now.....Just let me have it......Just a kiss.....Just a lick.....Where's your room.....Take me there so I can take you away.....Fuck me."

Yes.

So why can't that be me......Why can't that be any other female.

I know what I want.....I want a male who I can mold into anything that I want, when I want it. I wanna be able to fuck you a thousand times a night, and have the luxury of pleasing you and talking to you. I want you to wake up the next morning and fuck me again, and again, and again. And then I want you to get out of my face. Then come back.......and I'll fuck you till I'm satisfied. Then get out of my face. And when you're out of my face, you always keep your lips sealed. Nobody knows anything.....and nobody has to know. I want a guy who I can fuck when I feel like.....Like as soon as I want to and I turn the corner he's standing right there, saying come baby.......come over here so I can be your bitch for as long as you want me to.......then I'll disappear to reappear again......Just for you.

Just for me.

And you know.....There's nothing that makes me feel that in my honest and real life, I couldn't find a guy that would be willing to do that. Hell.....they're all over my campus.

But......In my honest and real life....even though that's want I want, that is not what I want.

I don't always want to be in love to fuck. That's not the point. But....I wanna care about you.....I want you to really care about me. I used to be fine with the one night stands.....the sneaking......the fucking.....the lust. But.....that's all it is.

Is lust...

So now it's like, I'm not really looking for love, but I don't just want lust. Then.....what is it.

Maybe it's territorial.

When I say I want a male that's just for me.....I mean it in its entirety. Just For Me.

It's like when you purchase a dildo and when you're finished with it, you stick it under your pillow for the next time so you don't lose it. So it's always there for when you wanna get a couple nuts off. What if a guy was like that....You had a guy that you could fuck and then tuck away for the next time, and no one could ever touch him but you. No one could ever fuck him but you......No one could ever use him but....you.

Yeah......I would love that too.

Mine.

Mine.

Mine.

But nobody is just mine....Nobody. Even if they are. If they wanna fuck someone else, they can.....They will.

They're not brainless.

But I'm not either.

As I write this, I want very much so to fuck. Who knows, maybe that was my deep inspiration to this blog. But......I know better these days.

I'm always gonna want that Ken doll in my big playhouse that I can move around every time I feel like it....

I just have to be a smart Barbie about it and share that part of me with the right Ken instead of all the other duplicates.

There are always so many of them, and there always will be. You have to work to find the one worth fucking that deserves it......But that's the way that it's supposed to be.

Maybe that's why we just fuck when we want to......because looking for the right one take to long.

If I'm a Barbie and you're a Ken, then we're technically allowed to fuck if that's what makes us happy, right.....?

Because that's all I can see......I want dick....And I don't see a certain type of male, or color or age or whatever....I just see a Ken. A doll that looks like every other one of it's kind.....There and ready for me to be Barbie in our pretend playhouse.

Like people, Like dolls, Like animals......

Fuck to create.....to fuck.

Isn't that why they created us in the first place....

-10 Random Sam Spits The Truth Facts Moment!-

1. College is starting to make me really sick. Literally.

2. Everyone tells me I have some really soft hands.

3. I want my hair to grow as long as I can possibly get it before I say goodbye to my braids forever. That may probably never happen cause I just love them way too much.

4. I'm currently still looking for a job -__-

5. I'm trying to get back into the swing of using my Twitter account. I really don't know if I'm gonna like it all that much still cause how much could have possibly changed from the way I felt last time.....But we'll just have to see.

6. There are a ton of gay people where I attend school at. They kinda just blend in for real.

7. Why am I always so hungry?

8. I'm not as excited for Christmas as I once was......I think it's age, and money. All I can really worry about these days is school, despite the fact that we're going on break -__-

9. My parents all of a sudden don't like each other anymore. Great -__-

10. I hope none of my cats die before I graduate college, cause I'll flip.

+Some Asian Persuasion

The hair that...

The Wanted - Glad You Came

-Like I Care. EVER.

In this picture are the three main girls in the movie Mean Girls.

The girl on the far left is the one that always follows the rest of them. She always carries out the orders for the queen pin and she does everything that her friends do. Although they really aren't her friends and she lives in their shadows pretty much. Her name in the movie was Gretchen Wieners.

The girl on the far right is the right hand women to the queen pin. She isn't the brightest. In fact, she's the dumbest of all three of them. But she harbors a lot of the secrets and is trusted a lot with things because she is too dumb to remember anything serious that would ever put her in the position to having to tell anyone else. She just is what she is, so she's in. Her name in the movie was Karen Smith.

The one in the middle is the queen pin. She rules, rocks and rebels anything and everything. She's nice to the regular person. But as you start to hang out with her, you start to notice her ways. She talks about people that are innocent and even soft spoken that have done nothing to her. She finds flirting with guys and making fun of women that don't look as good as her to be recreational and fun. She also could give two shits about turning on close friends if she feels crossed and will do so in no time. Her name in the movie was Regina George.

I'd never really saw the movie Mean Girls before. My friends in high school would always tell me that I reminded them of the mean girls. So I had a little free time, and I decided why not look up the movie and watch it. I didn't own the DVD personally, so I had to watch it online.

And I saw......That I could be a lot like what people would tell me I was.

Especially in high school.

I never really tried to be like the leader or queen pin of a group, but I did have a lot of friends.....and I could easily get them to do a lot for me if I really wanted to. I did take some advantage of this sometimes. And for the most part, yeh.....I did point everything and everyone out for everything I could. I didn't and still don't care.

But really, what is a "Mean Girl"?

I'm refferred to being a mean girl so much, sometimes I can't even remember what it really means. I just accept it and move on.....Cause whatever it was that I did to be called that is something that is more then less likely to happen again. So I'll just be a mean girl.

When people look at a group of mean girls, they say lots of things......They're plastics.....They're all dumb......They do too many things in unison.

Blah.....blah.....blah.

Bitch please.

It's just like the bloods, krips, brotherhood or a sisterhood. Whatever type of group or organizatopn of people that you hold close to you.

If we call other people plastics: Of course we're not plastic to each other.

I grew up with all my my mean girlfriends. That's how you stay close to them and become an alliance.

There were some people in my past and sometimes even now in my future that tell me that my mean-ness makes me ugly inside. I get that. But as long as I look good on the outside, I'm fine. I'll be alright.

I bolded Regina George's name because if I ever got compared to any one of them the most, it was her. And I can see more of myself in her than the others.

Being a mean girl isn't about being perfect, rich, popular......or even preppy. It's just the way that you are. I'm not perfect in any way. I'm certainly well off, but I wouldn't say that I'm the most rich. I was a little popular in high school, but it was for certain things like my hair and my stength with making friendship bracelets. And as far as preppy goes......maybe just a little. I always like my hair done, long and straight and I always like to do my nails, whether it be a fake set or my own, I just would always preffer them to be painted or something. I wear a lot of blouse type shirts and things like that.....but I also wear a lot of destroyed jeans and I have a lot of piercings on my ears, so that kinda takes away from the complete look.

But that's just me as a person in comparison to the overall stereo type of a typical mean girl to others.

Getting into some catagories about mean girls.

Attraction:

-Tall men. Maybe muscular but something that makes you look all the tinyer when you go out in public together.

-Hipster styles and friends. That's where I think my jeans and my different types of style and likes come from. And hipster friends share the same feelings with mean girls. They're mean too.

-Unfortunatly mean girls are attracted to men that are some of the most hurtful. And they stay cause it makes them look good.

-Men who don't try to match and who don't try to look better than them, ever.

-Also men that don't say much but do everything. Low key but really are all there.

-And: mean girls like men that they can see a successful future with. You can't just be a regular ass joe who's not up to anything. Even if she's a regular. It doesn't matter.

Some other things mean girls like:

-Like happy brights and vibrant colors. Sometimes you wanna tone it down, but for the most part, you want people to see you.

-Mean girls buy clothes for their health. It's more than just a want, it's a need.

-Will always be trying to get rid of something so then they can go out and buy more things.

-Mean girls are never satisfied. Even when they're satisfied.

-ALL music. As long as it has a steady beat and something about it that may probably piss other people off. (Tyler The Creator :D <3) -Mean girls always think about the seriousness of their lives like everyone else does. They just don't do it out loud. -Mean girl also do like a lot of people, so if they don't like you, that's just about one of the worse things that can happen. You WILL get hurt. On way or the other. Things about me personally as a mean girl: -I am somewhat always happy. On the outside. -If you have something to say, say it to me cause telling anyone else that I know is like whispersing in my ear through other people. -I'm quick to insult or comeback at anyone. Say something ugly to me and I'll give it back. I something even more painful. -I can say some of the nastiest and meanest things to people. -When I say I don't like you, I don't want anyone else to like you either. -I crack mean jokes. In your face. -I like movies that make you think. -I don't wear the most make-up, but whenever I do people tell me that it looks like my face and it doesn't make a difference. -I show more affection to my cats then I do my family members. They never talk back to me. -My clothes mean a lot to me. -My music MEANS A LOT TO ME. -My real bros mean everything to me. -My education is important to me. -I can always use some money. -I'm a quick spender. -I'm talented at writing. But its something hidden that you would have to know me to find out. And I know more than just that. So really when it comes to Mean Girls.......Embrace yourselves. I'd rather be in this position then the next bitch who has to deal with me on the other end, in her position.

+Question Time!

Category: The Worst Time to....

1. The worst time to ask to use the bathroom is...

-In the middle of a class that you've missed all week and you have a test the next day.

2. The worst time to break up with someone is....

-After you guys have accepted that you love each other to the point where you say it everyday.

3. The worst time to get your period is....

-In your sleep and in the middle of a class.

4. The worst time to fall asleep is....

-When your friend is talking to you about something serious that just happened to them.

5. The worst time to get smart with someone is....

-When the person comes off polite and they don't deserve it.

6. The worst time to look for your clothes is....

-In the morning time when you have to go and you have no time to look for what you want to wear.

7. The worst time to ask a dumb question is....

-When everyone already knows the right answer. And when you were given it like, 2 minutes ago.

8. The worst time to try to take a shower is......

-In between classes, tryna be slick, but you're just gonna end up being late.

9. The worst time to make new friends is.....

-When you walk up to a group of people and they just go silent.

10. The worst time to fail a test is......

-All the time. Especially when it comes to finals.

11. The worst time to cuss someone out is.....

-When no one is there to back you up when you're done doing it, so you just look dumb afterwards.

12. The worst time to defend someone is......

-All the time, if they don't do the same and ride or die for you.

Isley Brothers - Between The Sheets

Let's stop all this singin' and lets make love.





Fact: This song paved the way to Biggie's song "Big Poppa", and Jim Jones featuring Trey Songs, "Summer in Miami" Listen to it all and you will surely hear both songs beats. Everything originates from the classics baby. Know your stars.

+Omgoshness

So I can't sleep....

And something dawned on me that asked me why the fuck I wasn't blogging right now, so I decided to log on.

Got a new video coming up....I might take up the time to do that this weekend....Although I'm supposed to be getting my hair done as well.....So I really don't know what's up.

I think I'd be more motivated if I just changed up my banner. It's been over a year.....and it's about time.

I also know for a fact that: Today is officially Friday.

I can't wait to just be home.....And away from campus for a while.

I can wash my clothes. Get lots of new music I've discovered over the time I've been away. Meet up with my old crew. Just chill the fuck out.

I'm so restless......

Why am I so restless....

Message

Seems like the days just roll on by faster and faster.

I don't remember everything that I have to do some days. But.....I've stopped getting to be so overwhelmed.

I'm good now. I'm settled.

I rested a lot come these few days....Not even because I was tired but.....just because I was restless....So I lay down and rest to past the time by.

Do people usually rest when they're restless.....?

Hmm.

Then every once in a while come time to time....I think of it...

That day. That night. That morning. The aftermath of the rest of my life.

That punch. That friendship. What it was when it was.

And how now all that it added up to was nothing.

I promised myself....I would never allow myself to utter a thought about this nigga ever again. That I would live my life and just move the fuck on cause I needed to just do that and forget about it. Forever.

I finnally take my hands out of it.....Go to University....Make new friends....Get into a relationship....

This nigga is still runnin' through my mind like a siren.

The one that wakes you up in the middle of your sleep and when you wake up, you don't even know what the fuck just took place, but you start crying cause no matter which way your life goes, you can't shake the fact that it happened. It happened. It happened.

And:

He's happy.

He don't give a fuck about you waking up in the middle of the night struck by it.

I can't make him depressed or forever unhappy....No one has the power to do that to anyone. But I wish I could. God....I wish I could. And sometimes I don't even know why I want this as bad as I do.....But a womens scorn....Is by far the worst thing a man can ever run into in his lifetime. At least that's what I've been told since my childhood. And I believe it now. Completely.

When a women grows a true hate for a man....It can drive her to not see happiness till that man is terminated from the face of the earth. Sometimes it's just that bad....It be like that sometimes.

I could kill him. I could wreck the fuck out of his future.

But my energy....My energy is too important for me to waste on worrying about one nigga. Every womens energy is way to important for them to waste on any man....any boy. Any dog.

And that's what some women don't understand when they feel this way...

But I do.

I'm higher in my life now. I got these things called.....responsibilties. Gotta pay these things they call.....bills. My energy is only in an hour glass getting thinner by the days. My life is starting for real now. I'm not getting any younger.

And a women who is aware that she is not getting any younger can't be worried about a boy that isn't getting any older.

Leave him alone. Just leave him the fuck alone yo.

.....My lifes morals...My lifes mentality....My womens gift....My money, my gas.....My precious time.

All that....

I already gave you too much.

And I ain't never gonna get that shit back.

Ever.

.....I hate you.

I hate you.

I hate you.

And one day......One day...

Fenech-Soler - Demons

Sound Providers - Autumns Evening Breeze

Listen. Enjoy. Share.

-Discovery For The Hour

Criticism


"Homophobia> Tyler has been criticized for his use of homophobic slurs, in particular, his frequent use of the epithet "faggot" in his lyrics and on Twitter.[16][17] He has denied accusations of homophobia, stating "I'm not homophobic. I just say 'faggot' and use 'gay' as an adjective to describe stupid shit,"[18][19] and "I'm not homophobic. I just think 'faggot' hits and hurts people."[20] However, he later said in an interview with MTV about the slurs that "Well, I have gay fans and they don't really take it offensive, so I don't know. If it offends you, it offends you. If you call me a nigga, I really don't care, but that's just me, personally. Some people might take it the other way; I personally don't give a shit."

My take on it: I mean...Lmfao.

Mc Chris - Pizza Butt

Why Big Girls Are The Sh*t: Benefits Of A Big Girl!

This World Star video. Wtf. Lmfao.

-Middle Day-

Wednesday. And there's inspection of the rooms going around on my campus.....At least in our residence hall.

I woke up today feeling so weird. I don't know what makes it that way.....But I was feeling really brand new to school when I walked outside this morning.

We had to get up early like 30 minutes, because I had to move my mattress out of my friends room, that way none of us would get fined when they come to inspect the rooms and shit.

And after that all blows over, it'll be right back in the room.

It's crazy the way that I have to live just to be in a situation better than the one that I was originally given. At this point in time, I'm for sure they aren't going to fix my room situation till like the end of the first semester. And if any miracles happen before that time......I mean, I don't know.

I guess sometimes you have to get with it....

I can't even say anything about my roommates anymore.....You know how someone is like the biggest issue in your life, and then when you start to avoid them and get yourself away from them, they just start acting real different......? Saying hey to me everywhere they see me......Which is whatever, I say it back and it's all good. But I'm sure that if I was still in my original room with them, we wouldn't be all that happy.

I wouldn't be all that happy.

But that's another thing that being in college has taught me.

There's always going to be something that pisses me off, regardless of how much I try to avoid it. It will follow me until I figure out a way to deal with it.

Like me moving my mattress.

It just took something away from the problem.....But my room is still there, and I still have a key to a room that I hate. So nothing is really fixed but the fact that I don't have to sleep in a room with them.

So yeh.

Pandora is gettin' on my LAAAASSSSTTT nerve yo.

#TheFuck?!

Paul Keeley - Life Aquatic

Play. Enjoy. Share.





Paul Keeley - Life Aquatic mp3

Mac Miller " Wear My Hat" > Produced By Chuck Inglish

+Move Me Moment

Remember....






Feist - My man my moon

-10 Random Sam Spits The Truth Facts Moment!-

1. I find women with huge chest tattoos to be classless......It's just pow in your face....ew.

2. I have really bright neon green authentic Vans. Love em'.

3. I don't want my boobs to get any bigger than they already are. Please God.

4. I have the best relatinship with my college roomate. The school I go to, this is rare.

5. I'm a Abercrombie and Fitch/Hollister whore. Sorry.

6. I hate seeing old heads with gold fronts and teeth in their mouths....That shit is gross. Act your age. Ya'll should be wiser than that yo.

7. When I went to college, my mom literally became my bestfriend over night.

8. Ramen Noodles are a college students best friend:D

9. Sometimes when I'm in class I get that pee feeling, but when I go to the bathroom, nothing comes out and then I feel dumb.....Can't be doin' stuff like that.

10. I have the best boyfriend a girl could ever ask for <3

Iggy Azalea - Pu$$y

-Young Money (Literally)

Stuttin' kitties. :D

-Discovery For The Hour

Watermelon modeled Vans. Nice.





















----------->YESSSSS.